Learning to Be Me

It isn't uncommon to be unsatisfied with who you are at 17 and I've felt this way for a number of years. Ever since I can remember I've been comparing myself to other people which has always lead to me feeling utterly rubbish about myself, whether it's the clothes someone has or just how beautiful I thought another person was. It's only been in the last few months that I've noticed how toxic this can be and I've vowed to stop doing it.

I've made an early resolution, figuring that it shouldn't wait any longer, and that's to stop caring what people think of me. Especially if it is my physical appearance or the way I act. It's only been in the last few weeks that I've been truly been aiming to embrace what I want to do and disregarding what others think. I'm tired of pretending to be somebody I'm not and I am absolutely daunted but excited about hopefully leaving for university next year for a fresh start! I've already started on the new me with the biggest achievement of mine so far being leaving the house with no makeup on in the first time in years.

I was actually quite a late bloomer when it came to makeup at 15 and before this I never really thought I needed it. One day I decided to start experimenting with makeup without actually using it as a daily necessity. It wasn't until I saw my last school photo that I felt ugly, I started looking at all of the other girls in my year and I thought I was the ugliest one out of about two hundred people which was the worst I've ever felt about myself and when other people were saying how ugly they were I seriously thought they were crazy! I pushed it to the back of my mind and worked hard on my makeup skills to cover up my "ugly" face and I would feel uncomfortable not wearing makeup in front of my family. It was on GCSE results day that my school decided to put together a poster of everyone in our year with our last school photo on it, with everyone being given a copy, while my family were ecstatic with my results all I felt was awful about myself again due to the reoccurring photo. I almost threw away the poster before my Mum stopped me saying she wanted to keep it, out of sheer embarrassment I kept it so no-one could see it.

It's been over 2 years now and the photo and it still bothers me to this day; I absolutely hate photos. While everyone is taking selfies and looking stunning I can't bring myself to willingly take any, much to the disgrace of my family! It's something I'm working on and recently had to take a photo of myself for work, which I eventually managed.

The reliance on make-up is something I used to hate and I'd never use make-up looks that I felt uncomfortable with, especially coloured lips or not wearing eyeliner on my waterline. Oh how this has changed! I love wearing dark lips now and I'm trying to find the perfect matte red lip to buy, the Velvet Matte Lip Pencil by Nars in Cruella is looking to be a favourite, although I'm open to suggestions. :)

My self confidence and esteem really is a work in progress but I'm starting to feel confident enough to do the things that I want to and I really hope that you reading this feel as though you are confident in your own skin! If you have any tips on how to feel good about your self feel free to leave them below :)